Tag Archive: funny

TULSA, OK—Claiming with certainty that government agents were behind the unexplained deaths of several thousand redwing blackbirds in Arkansas this month, a mallard duck voiced suspicions Tuesday that the CIA has conducted a decades-long covert operation to decimate the nations bird population.

via Paranoid Duck Convinced CIA Killing Off U.S. Bird Population | The Onion – Americas Finest News Source


CHINO, CA—In an unprecedented and historic event Monday, the “I Am Under 18” button, an Internet security device which if selected restricts access to websites featuring adult content, was clicked for the first time ever. “I knew I could simply claim to be over 18 and continue onto my desired destination, but I also realized that I would have to live with that lie for the rest of my life,” said local resident Garrett Kinley, 17. “I admit, I was curious to see what type of material I would find on http://www.juggworld.com, but that button was clearly placed there for a reason, and let’s face it: 17 and three-quarters is not 18. I plan to return to the site three months from now, when I will be mature enough to handle its content.” Moments later, Kinley’s friend Dave Gerrard, 17, pushed Kinley aside and clicked the “I Am Over 18” button himself, at which point a tactical police unit broke down his bedroom door and arrested him.

via ‘I Am Under 18’ Button Clicked For First Time In History Of Internet | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

So Long To Ya, 2010 | The JibJab 2010 Year in Review!

Cops Mistake Horror Movie Set For Horrific Crime Scene

Hostel Part 2 Lionsgate 2007

Bloody Disgusting spotted a hilarious news report from WTAE in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. During the police response to a fire at the George Washington Hotel in Washington, PA, firefighters stumbled on a grisly murder scene. How bad was it? According to WTAE, “Washington Police Chief J.R. Blythe thought Sunday’s discovery was the most grisly murder scene in his 35 years in law enforcement”:

via Cops Mistake Horror Movie Set For Horrific Crime Scene – Movies – News – IFC.com

Email Yux: TSA Bumper Stickers

Got this in email today.  Yeah, I guffawed.

How to Gift Wrap a Cat

WASHINGTON—Days after the accidental passage of a bill allocating $30 trillion in federal subsidies to soybean producers, a massive tide of the protein-rich legumes has flooded the nation, crippling transportation networks, commerce, and public utilities, and profoundly disrupting American life.

via Nation Waist-Deep In Soybeans After $30 Trillion Farm Subsidy Bill Accidentally Passed | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

7 Famous Works of Art With Bizarre Mistakes You Can’t Unsee

No one should be immune from criticism. Not even the great masters of the art world–they’re humans just like the rest of us. So please indulge us while we take a look at lauded works of genius created by artists far, far more talented than we are, and laugh at them.

via 7 Famous Works of Art With Bizarre Mistakes You Can’t Unsee | Cracked.com

C&T: Only hilarious.  LOTS o’ hidden dicks to be found.

JASPER, IN—A blue corrugated plastic sign bearing the name of candidate Todd Young has invigorated and galvanized voters in southeastern Indiana’s 9th District congressional race, catapulting the Republican to an all but insurmountable lead over his opponent, Democratic incumbent Baron Hill.

via Yard Sign With Candidate’s Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

The Funniest Store Placement Fails & Wins

 Stores do the best they can to stock aisles with similar products, making it easier to compare brands and find the things you want. But sometimes, whether for marketing purposes or just by accident, things are placed next to each other on a shelf in a seemingly ridiculous way. Why would you place condoms next to diapers? As a passive aggressive reminder?

via The Funniest Store Placement Fails & Wins (PHOTOS)

More Sylvester the talking cat and Gibson sez his first word

Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise Of Bedbugs

 GRAND IMPERIAL THRONE ROOM, CASTLE ROACH—His Royal Highness, King Leopold Blattodea IV, undisputed lord and ruler of the cockroaches, expressed dismay and concern Monday that the recent rise in bedbug populations could threaten his sovereignty over the realm of human squalor.

via Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise Of Bedbugs | The Onion – Americas Finest News Source

The Onion strikes again…

Why Are We Beefing Up Security? | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

SEPTEMBER 22–When paying off a gambling loss it is important to know that just because you come up with the bear claws does not mean you get a pass on the honey buns.

via Jail Attack Over Football Pastry Wager | The Smoking Gun

C&T:  Ya know, a lot may be riding on the jailhouse definition of “honey buns”.  Pun intended.

Sylvester the Talking Cat makes the transition to dry cat food

My favorite talking cat is apparently having an issue with dry cat food:

Punishment over!:

MEXICO CITY—In the latest incident of drug-related violence to hit the country, all 111 million citizens of Mexico were killed Monday during a shoot-out between rival drug cartels.

According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the violence was sparked by a botched drug deal involving an estimated 20 kilograms of marijuana, a dispute that led low-level members of the Sinaloa cartel to open fire on local dealers in Culiacán. Within seconds, the gunfire had spread to Chihuahua, Michoacán, Yucatán, and, minutes later, the other 27 Mexican states, leaving every person in Mexico dead.

via Mexico Killed In Drug Deal | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

The Funniest Photoshop Fails Of All Time (PHOTOS)

 The Funniest Photoshop Fails Of All Time (PHOTOS)

Where Should You Pee? Helpful Flowchart Maps Out All Your Options

SAN FRANCISCO—Retail apparel chain Banana Republic announced plans Tuesday to open 50 new stores at which customers will be able to buy pants without going through a painfully awkward, dehumanizing public ordeal.

via Banana Republic Announces Opening Of New Stores Where Buying Pants Will Not Be Totally Humiliating Experience | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

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