TULSA, OK—Claiming with certainty that government agents were behind the unexplained deaths of several thousand redwing blackbirds in Arkansas this month, a mallard duck voiced suspicions Tuesday that the CIA has conducted a decades-long covert operation to decimate the nations bird population.
For every “It’s A Wonderful Life,” there are probably a dozen “Jingle All the Way”s. But it takes a special kind of failure to transcend the genre of “bad movie” that marks camp classics. We noticed that a strange number of them feature Santa Claus for reasons unknown, so we rounded up nine of our favorite movies where Jolly Old St. Nick is depicted in ludicrous ways.
C&T: The videos are HILARIOUS!
Comics featuring presidents are nothing new – even Nixon showed up in the Fantastic Four, and everyone hated the guy. But the comics industry’s obsession with Barack Obama is a little more intense than usual, resulting in some bizarre, baffling and sometimes even disturbing stories. No one ever did a comic where George W. Bush battles zombies, or one where … well, read on to find out.
Bloody Disgusting spotted a hilarious news report from WTAE in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. During the police response to a fire at the George Washington Hotel in Washington, PA, firefighters stumbled on a grisly murder scene. How bad was it? According to WTAE, “Washington Police Chief J.R. Blythe thought Sunday’s discovery was the most grisly murder scene in his 35 years in law enforcement”:
Fox News Comments was created to expose the audience that Fox News caters to. Every comment is posted as it was shown on foxnews.com or thefoxnation.com. Some of what you read will make you laugh, some of what you read will shock you. Fear-mongering and hate-mongering have proven a very successful ratings-grabber for Fox News, but it’s generated about as much hate and fear as can be expected. So stick around – you might learn a slur that should have been dead decades ago!
C&T: I can’t say I’m shocked at these comments…ya gotta consider the source, FOX News seems to cater to righteous inbred idiots. It’s kind of scary, though, that there are so many nut jobs out there so filled with rage and hate.
SANTA ANA, Calif. — A Festivus for the rest of us? A convicted drug dealer in California thinks so. He cited his adherence to the holiday celebrated on a famous episode of “Seinfeld” to get better meals at the Orange County jail.
C&T: This is funny and I can’t believe the judge fell for it.
Okay, okay, no more screwing around. Lets get serious here. I’ve been putting off running on this squeaky, plastic wheel all day long, and now its—Christ, is that clock right? Is it 10:30 already? Man oh man, it is way later than I thought. Looks like I got myself a long, long night of spinning a noisy wheel around in a circle here. All right, squeaky wheel. From now till dawn, its you and me, buddy. Weve gotta burn some midnight oil.
I’d love to just pass out right here in this pile of wood shavings, but this bad boy aint going to spin itself, you know what I’m saying? Do I wish Id gotten a head start on the wheel- running this morning instead of making a nest out of hair and paper scraps and curling up inside of it for five hours? Sure, of course. But hey, whats the use of worrying about “what if” when theres work to be done? Hell, I spin better at night anyway.
ST. MORITZ, SWITZERLAND—One hundred fifty of the world’s most powerful people in the fields of politics, banking, business, and media met this past weekend at an exclusive Swiss resort for the 54th annual invitation-only summit where they show each other their penises.
WASHINGTON—Days after the accidental passage of a bill allocating $30 trillion in federal subsidies to soybean producers, a massive tide of the protein-rich legumes has flooded the nation, crippling transportation networks, commerce, and public utilities, and profoundly disrupting American life.
Saturday was the long-awaited Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear in Washington D.C., and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert did not disappoint.