Archive for December, 2010


CHINO, CA—In an unprecedented and historic event Monday, the “I Am Under 18” button, an Internet security device which if selected restricts access to websites featuring adult content, was clicked for the first time ever. “I knew I could simply claim to be over 18 and continue onto my desired destination, but I also realized that I would have to live with that lie for the rest of my life,” said local resident Garrett Kinley, 17. “I admit, I was curious to see what type of material I would find on http://www.juggworld.com, but that button was clearly placed there for a reason, and let’s face it: 17 and three-quarters is not 18. I plan to return to the site three months from now, when I will be mature enough to handle its content.” Moments later, Kinley’s friend Dave Gerrard, 17, pushed Kinley aside and clicked the “I Am Over 18” button himself, at which point a tactical police unit broke down his bedroom door and arrested him.

via ‘I Am Under 18’ Button Clicked For First Time In History Of Internet | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

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6 Near Death Experiences Caught on Video

YouTube has given us a lot of things: vlogs, Fred, one billion parody videos of Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” starring adorable kittens instead of saucy black ladies. And now, finally, it’s given us something to make up for all of that horrible, horrible bullshit: The ability to watch people nearly die from the safety of our own Cheeto-stained ergonomic office chairs. I’m not talking about hillbilly fireworks accidents or teenage skateboard shenanigans, either; I’m talking about very real, extremely terrifying and possibly bowel-exploding, first-person POV accounts that chronicle what it’s really like to survive the scariest disasters possible. You can experience all of it — the thrills, the adventure, the adrenalin — and you don’t even have to put on pants! In fact, you probably shouldn’t.

via 6 Near Death Experiences Caught on Video | Cracked.com

Example:

(CNN) — Voters who flocked to the Republican banner seven weeks ago are probably scratching their heads, wondering, “Who really won in November?” After handing the president and Congressional Democrats the worst drubbing in more than half a century, they can only watch in disbelief as Obama has reeled off a series of unexpected victories.

via Obama’s stunning turnaround – CNN.com

A theatre in Chicago is staging a production of the Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol” with a twist.The entire play is delivered in thIngan Hol, the language of the Klingon race, which was developed in 1984 by linguist Marc Okrand for Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.

via Klingon Christmas Carol brought to the stage – Telegraph.

C&T: QaQ, Hoch jIH laH ghaH Quch ghaj [a] QaQ wa!

Angry McCain looks just like pugilistic otter

Railing against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, shooting down an immigration bill he once sponsored, pushing his own changes to START – the tougher John McCain who emerged in the primaries may be here to stay.
When Sen. John McCain took the floor before the groundbreaking vote to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, he furiously told the Senate, “Today is a very sad day,” and announced, “There will be high-fives over all the liberal bastions of America,” from “the elite schools that bar military recruiters from campus” to “the salons of Georgetown.”

via John McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, DREAM Votes and His Lasting Anger – The Daily Beast

C&T:  Oh my.  John McCain’s PISSED.  Who gives a rat’s ass?  Anyone?  Bueller?  No one?  High Five!

9 Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Santas

For every “It’s A Wonderful Life,” there are probably a dozen “Jingle All the Way”s. But it takes a special kind of failure to transcend the genre of “bad movie” that marks camp classics. We noticed that a strange number of them feature Santa Claus for reasons unknown, so we rounded up nine of our favorite movies where Jolly Old St. Nick is depicted in ludicrous ways.

via 9 Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Santas (VIDEO, PHOTOS)

C&T:  The videos are HILARIOUS!

Palin has maintained that Obama’s effort to combat child obesity — which was recently aided by the passage of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act — is one that seeks to take away “God-given rights to make our own decisions.” Some have since slammed that comment as Palin’s demanding that Americans cling to their “God-Given right to be fat.”

via Sarah Palin Jabs Michelle Obama’s Anti-Obesity Campaign With S’mores

C&T: Why won’t this stupid cow Palin STFU? My apologies to those of a bovine nature.

Email Yux: Senior Texting Codes

  • ATD: At The Doctor’s
  • BFF: Best Friend Farted
  • BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
  • BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
  • CBM: Covered By Medicare
  • CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
  • DWI: Driving While Incontinent
  • FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
  • FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
  • FYI: Found Your Insulin
  • GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
  • GHA: Got Heartburn Again
  • HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
  • IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
  • LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
  • LOL: Living On Lipitor
  • LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
  • OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
  • OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
  • ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
  • SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
  • TTYL: Talk To You Louder
  • WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
  • WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
  • WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
  • WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

Google explores the human body with HTML5

Google has just soft-launched its latest browser experiment, the Google Body Browser, which is basically Google Earth for the human body. If you visit bodybrowser.googlelabs.com in a supported web browser, you’ll get a three-dimensional layered model of the human anatomy that you can zoom in on, rotate and search. WebGL support hasn’t hit mainstream browsers, but the beta versions of Google Chrome, Safari and Firefox all support it.

This is your brain on Google

via Google explores the human body with HTML5 – USATODAY.com

C&T: Thx to mansonsturtle for the head’s up!

Comics featuring presidents are nothing new – even Nixon showed up in the Fantastic Four, and everyone hated the guy. But the comics industry’s obsession with Barack Obama is a little more intense than usual, resulting in some bizarre, baffling and sometimes even disturbing stories. No one ever did a comic where George W. Bush battles zombies, or one where … well, read on to find out.

via 5 Insane Barack Obama Comic Books You Won’t Believe are Real | Cracked.com

Hostel Part 2 Lionsgate 2007

Bloody Disgusting spotted a hilarious news report from WTAE in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. During the police response to a fire at the George Washington Hotel in Washington, PA, firefighters stumbled on a grisly murder scene. How bad was it? According to WTAE, “Washington Police Chief J.R. Blythe thought Sunday’s discovery was the most grisly murder scene in his 35 years in law enforcement”:

via Cops Mistake Horror Movie Set For Horrific Crime Scene – Movies – News – IFC.com

Tryin’ Audio Post Out

Fox News Comments was created to expose the audience that Fox News caters to. Every comment is posted as it was shown on foxnews.com or thefoxnation.com. Some of what you read will make you laugh, some of what you read will shock you. Fear-mongering and hate-mongering have proven a very successful ratings-grabber for Fox News, but it’s generated about as much hate and fear as can be expected. So stick around – you might learn a slur that should have been dead decades ago!

via Fox News Comments

C&T:  I can’t say I’m shocked at these comments…ya gotta consider the source, FOX News seems to cater to righteous inbred idiots.  It’s kind of scary, though, that there are so many nut jobs out there so filled with rage and hate.

How to tell…

If Santa's leaving you more than just coal, you're BAD.

Most Popular Winter Holiday Decorations

Most Popular Winter Holiday Decorations | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

 

You KNOW  you wondered!

Via Wikipedia: Auld Lang Syne is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song (Roud # 6294). It is well known in many English-speaking (and other) countries and is often sung to celebrate the start of the New Year at the stroke of midnight. By extension, its use has also become common at funerals, graduations, and as a farewell or ending to other occasions.

The song’s Scots title may be translated into English literally as “old long since”, or more idiomatically, “long long ago”,”days gone by” or “old times”. Consequently “For auld lang syne”, as it appears in the first line of the chorus, is loosely translated as “for (the sake of) old times”.

Original Scottish Version English Translation

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
and surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i’ the burn,
frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
and gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

He cries in TV interviews, he cries on the floor of the House of Representatives, he cries at the RNC. And he laughs all the way to the bank.

Why does talking about kids make incoming House Speaker John Boehner so weepy? Well, maybe because he’s about to screw over a whole generation of them. I know that would get me a bit misty. Still, I’d have to hydrate for most of the day to run the kind of irrigation Boehner does in every damn speech.

via Doug Molitor: 12 Things That Make Boehner Cry (Doug’s Dozen VIDEO)

C&T:  Sigh.  Just one more thing about John Boehner that irritates the living fuck outta me.  Ya know, if he was a woman, he’s be called “too emotional”.  But because he’s a man, he’s called (not by me) “sensitive”.  Bullshit.  I remain unimpressed.  Glenn Beck‘s a weeper, and so was Jimmy Swaggart.  Assclowns, all.

       

 

SANTA ANA, Calif. — A Festivus for the rest of us? A convicted drug dealer in California thinks so. He cited his adherence to the holiday celebrated on a famous episode of “Seinfeld” to get better meals at the Orange County jail.

Festivus In Jail: Inmate Gets Kosher Meals Due To Festivus Belief

C&T:  This is funny and I can’t believe the judge fell for it.

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