WASHINGTON—Interior Secretary Ken Salazar announced Tuesday that a maintenance crew would begin work this week cleaning the nation’s filter in order to remove the estimated 40 million tons of gunk, crud, and muck currently clogging up the country.

According to Salazar, workers opened the service panel Friday to inspect the nation’s 2,500- mile-long filter unit and found it covered in a dense layer of dust, mold spores, soap scum, human waste, thousands of Canada geese, pine trees, poplar trees, and automobiles, as well as an 8-million-ton clump of hair.

The crew also reportedly discovered more than $50 billion in loose change in the filter’s housing.

via Department Of Interior To Clean Nation’s Filter | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

Advertisements